Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me Steve,' he said in the letter. 'Why?' asked his mother in her reply. 'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me,' he wrote back. - zobacz
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..." - zobacz
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom ? Captain: Well, it could have been worse. Manager: How ? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league ! - zobacz
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old ? A year older on his birthday ! - zobacz
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." - zobacz
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up." - zobacz
What do you call a man who opens the car door for you? A chauffeur. - zobacz
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay! - zobacz
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ? Your spinning me a yarn here ! - zobacz
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without the ironing lady. Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener. - zobacz
Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell them from flamingos ! - zobacz
What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick-or-tweet!" - zobacz
The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated." - zobacz
What is an autograph? A chart which shows car sales. - zobacz
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. "God," he said, "What is heaven like?" God replied, "Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!" The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he asked. "Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers." - zobacz